Dad

Well, well, well.....I never thought I would see the day my father being in Eastern Canada but Tara told me today that he is moving here August 1. I am still quite shocked. Alot of things going through my mind like yup just what I thought would end up happening with him. Going broke because of alot of bad decisions in his life and now hoping his children will help him out. Well, Tara is and she is able to where she owns her own home although I have no idea where she is going to put his stuff and him for that matter. I could and would like to say more on this but I feel just like everything in life, you have to learn how to keep your mouth shut in case your words ends up in the very ears or eyes who shouldnt be listening or looking to them......

Light at the end of the tunnel is pretty far away.........

I have tried so hard to become what I am today and I am 34 now and I am only an administrative assistant. The more I think about it, the more pathetic it sounds. I was hoping I would be farther along in my career by now. It really bothers me when people who get credit for their efforts and hard work and others are dismissed and not even considered for promotions. I work so hard to prove myself only to be let down. I am so tired of this. I am at my wits end. I have been trying to involve myself in extra things such as piano lessons and career plan it from the nscc. I was hoping these things would make me happy but they arent. Today at work was bad and then on top of it all, I have found that I cant continue my piano lessons because they dont have an instructor available after I am done work on the weekdays nor on the weekends. Well, thats it for me for now. I guess I should just keep my mouth shut about everything, because none of it matters anyways...........

New Blogger

Having found that my cousin Cheryl is blogging. I feel I should start to do the same. Maybe this may be some sort of release for me as it seems to be for her. I am not writing in a diary and I am more comfortable with typing on a computer anyways. This past weekend was wonderful. Exhausting, but wonderful. It was Hayley's 1st birthday party and Tara, Ron, Molly, Mom, Malcolm, Ann & Jerry all came down. It was the best weekend I have had here in Halifax in a long time. The kids are so funny. Everytime I see them, I am reminded of how much I would like to have a child. I sometimes think I am wasting my time with Richard because he does not seem interested in therapy with me and he has many times told me he does not want children. Why do I stay with him though? I do love him but as they say, is love enough to stay with someone? I guess it depends on the person. Most people think we are an odd couple and I think everyone's opinion is bad of Richard because they only look skin deep. No, he is not an extremely attractive human being but his heart is what got me hook line and sinker and now I am starting to feel that I have completely overlooked my feelings in this relationship and have only focused on his. I don't know what to do. My depression keeps me from making solid decisions because fear paralizes me from doing anything. I hope I can make a decision soon because my biological clock is tick tock ticking.

Take care all.